The Mother Wound
Our mothers were pivotal players in our development as children and they formed the very foundation of our emotional and psychological growth. To this very day our mothers continue to influence us both through our deeply ingrained perceptions of life and through our feelings towards ourselves, other people and life.
Naturally we internalized these beliefs and world views to form the basis of our very own beliefs and sense of self.
Our Mother Wounds are traumas that pass down from generation to generation that have a profound impact on our lives. When left unresolved, we pass on them to our children.
Although our mothers may have tried their very best to nurture us, our relationships with them may have been laced with undercurrents of shame, guilt and obligation.
If you suffer from the Mother Wound you will experience the following problems:
• (For females) “not feeling good enough”: constantly comparing yourself with, and competing against, other females
• Sabotaging yourself when you experience happiness or success, because you don’t want to threaten others; never actualizing your potential out of fear of failure or disapproval
• Possessing weak boundaries and an unclear sense of who you are
• Self-blaming, low self-esteem and shame that manifests itself as the core belief: “There is something wrong with me”
• Co-dependency in relationships - having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others
• Minimizing yourself to be likable and accepted; feeling you must remain small in order to be loved
• The inability to speak up authentically and express your emotions fully - not feeling safe enough to take up space and express your truth
• Sacrificing your dreams and desires for other people unnecessarily
• Unconsciously waiting for your mother’s permission or approval to truly live your life
Mother Wounds are developed at a young age and are bound by the belief that “I was responsible for my mother’s pain,” and “I can make my mother happy if I’m a good girl/boy.” The truth is that we weren’t and still aren’t responsible for our mother’s pain – only she is. We also can’t make our mothers happy unless they truly decide to be happy. Yet unfortunately as children we were not aware of this and on a subconscious level many of us still believe that we are the culprits of our mother’s suffering or unhappiness, and that we are responsible for her well-being.
It is important that we realize that no mother can be perfect, no matter how hard they try, and use this knowledge to generate forgiveness.
Common beliefs and expectations include, for instance, “my mother should always be emotionally available,” “my mother should be my best friend,” “my mother should never get angry at me,” and so forth.
We need to realize that we can never change who she is and nor do we have the right to – that is her responsibility.
As we relinquish the hope that we will one day receive the love, support and validation we want of her, we can allow ourselves to grieve the mother we never had. Experiencing grief is a vital part of the healing process and it can last for years. But if you allow it to happen it will ultimately be deeply liberating.
This coming Friday’s session:
As you can see the Mother wound is a huge task, encompassing so many aspects of being. Therefore I decided to focus on the two aspects of the Mother wound that most people are struggling with in my experience:
- Child guilt - To release the unconscious responsibility for our mothers’ burdens and happiness and the ensuing feelings of guilt if we are not “there for her”. To stop keeping yourself small as a result. Ultimately, to give yourself permission to love yourself, be successful in life and be all you can be.. with passion, power, joy and confidence.
- Not feeling safe in the world - To open the door to developing a solid “inner mother” that provides unconditional love, deep compassion, support and comfort and always sees yourself as competent. From this inner position we can then feel that anything is possible, trust life to always bring us what we need and be open to miracles. And of course take responsibility for our own happiness and future - be less dependent on others to provide the love, support and sense of validation that we seek.
I will also work on forgiving our mothers and opening up to the gifts they are indirectly offering us, like enabling us to take better care of ourselves, and living life fully without emotional obligations towards others dragging us down.
You can click here to take part in Friday’s session, or to book an individual session on this theme.
Group sessions-the power of numbers
With group distant sessions, we tap into the power of a group - to make the healing experience even more profound!